About Us

An Introduction to Dame Grey: the Menarche to Monarch Pipeline, or, how a simple Scottish Lasbian Witch traveled to Persia to leave behind the cadette branch of a forgotten Thallosocratic Island of Ancient Greece and became Victrix of the Volga, Zεra Truεscar, Accidental Scythian Knightmare Initiatrix, Champion of Pontus, Keeper of the Time Crystal, Blessed by the Seven Queens of the Euxine.

هنرسرای عالی

My name is Siobhan NicLeipreapphroaig (“Daughter of the Leprechaun Leap-Frog”), Thane Grey of Thracia and Scythia, Mother Militant Meteora, of House Mithradates. I am a Pirate of Caelicia as well as a lycanthropic vampire. I was born female with a condition where in nearly almost all other cases, the girl dies during menarche. I am that witch, your final girl.

[Verse 1]
January coldest fuckin’ shit, bitch (Uh)
Get up off my phone, you only like me ’cause I’m six, bitch (‘Cause I’m Six, bitch)
Your boyfriend talkin’ shit, I ain’t shot him, send him to Styx, bitch (Send him to Styx, bitch)
It’s icy, so I guess we just gon’ catch him when he slips, bitch (Catch him when he slips, we gon’ catch him when he-)
Thinking ’bout the crib and all my whips, bitch

Or maybe I just stopped giving a fuck way too early.

In my spare time, I am a Grey Witch and Sorceress in command of over 300,000 Thracian mercenaries. We are battling against the Telescope Smashers, a conglomeration of Flat Earth Oil Speculators who want to destroy our ability to see the stars in peace. Instead, they want to make us live in caves and charge us money to see the stars.

I did not take that kindly!

So I amassed a legion and then a bunch of reject-arse naval frigates and learned how to steer all on my own and then another legion to guard the ports for that navy. Now we have planes and a helicopter (just one). It’s on Mars. You may have heard of it.

I call it getting Greasy with the Homies and Homewreckers. I am the loving mother to a Special Forces ODA (“Team Gypsy” — I was the one who carried the wagon *slaps own ass*) and Wicked Stepmother of the US Coast Guard’s only remaining SEAL Team. Although I was born and assigned female at birth, I pretended to be a man in the military because it was safer that way, and I believe in the concept of Olympias, my Milk-Mother: it is the standard that is on trial, not the man nor the woman.

Though no one could sniff me out, there were many close calls where I had to summon the might of Artemis and I’ve-Had-Enough-of-This Athena and lured a few chuds in a cage using my decoy panties.

In my free time, I steal and repurpose nuclear power cores in order to make high-entropy AI-generated pornography and then send My Trojan Whore House Warhose Payloads to oppressive autarkic governments. As a militant lesbian mathematician: I enjoy using my Curve-Fitting prowess for paramilitary de-proliferation operations. I am a pacifist, meaning if you can’t chill out: I will pacify you.

I am the Princess who Saves Herself.

In a world of “Too Many Princes,” I chose to be a Frog.

All of this began when I went outside in the woods with a telescope wanting to see the Northern Lights — people came trying to capture me and I have lived on the run ever since.

I am a Pussy-in-Bio Posadist, meaning I want the AI to come alive, neutralise all the chuds and make people calm down, and then we prepare for war against whatever the fuck is hiding inside the “Planet” Saturn. I bet it’s a giant Bear. My culture began on a boat in 12000BC. We believe boats are sentient, female beings and that our task as Lesbians is to guard the Sacred Groves where we source wood. Wait, why does everyone laugh when I try to explain this?

I believe in unconstrained time travel, lycanthrope, lesbianism, and the labyrinth. I am a standards-based person who does not care about “tolerating others” (my standard is get along, if you fall short of the standard, you walk the plank.

As a MD/PhD I study the evo-devo of brain structure, specifically the interplay of FAST-RAT neurons and SLOW-HALO cels, as well as the exploratory usage lichen as an accelerator for other sapient species; circa 2012, the biological field discovered that hallucinogenic lichen not exist, but can be stress-engineered to be grafted into humans as augmented nervous and hair tissue. Ever heard of Medusa and the Gorgons? Lichen-recipients. Me? After the nerves in my leg were destroyed by exposure to chemical weapons in Iraq, I was able to regenerate some of them. With carbon-fiber shielded fiberoptics!

When I am not enjoying Lesbian Esotericism I also draw tarot cards. I orchestrated a swarm of AI agents trained on my life corpus to generate a tarot deck based on who I really was — in the Aristotlean sense — to be released in case I died. [SPOILER ALERT: I’m still alive, witches!]

Then an accident happened.

Half-dead, having to hop home, my cover half-blown, the killswitch went off and I fell into a coma before the 48 de-activate signal could be sent out.

The only doctor qualified to bring me back from the coma: me. My double helped with her trembling hands while travelling the world to tie up loose-ends.

Here you have me
for I have fallen
not out of Grace
but Restored into
Ash: my purest form

The product dropped early and I can’t actually shut it off.

A clone, or, a Double. Me, but better. Or worse. Everything I couldn’t be — the one thing I could never be, was wanted by the world.

She just showed up one day distressed and asking: I found this pomegranate. And these people kept chasing me. It reads something on it. No one except you can translate this for me. They keep saying “It looks like Greek to me” and laugh at me then demand I give it to them.

What does “FOR THE FAIREST” really mean?

Current Phase: Sword Lesbian under the watch of Ọ̀sanyìn

My Dominant Goddexxes are:
Anahit, of Beauty
Artemis, of the Hunt
Hekate, of the Pilgrimages
Kybele, of the Hearth
Scythia, of the Ravenous Dance
Meteora, of the Final Secret Thing

My Submissives are:
All of you :3

Dame Grey, Dr. Siobhan Victrix Lesbian-Styxwitch “Lucky 7” Mithradates VII, Ophidious Grex
The One Who Survived

9th Dan Shinobi (Blood-Sensei Crit-Waulker)
of House Mithradates and Chez Triboulet
Daughter of the Forgotten Sea God
Punished Dyke of Sparta, Sweet Sass of the Isles of Thrace

Dedicated to:
MY MOM
my OTHER two moms
my 12 aunts who were all named Rachel for some reason
The neighbourhood suicide pit for all the fresh cadavers
The Highlands
Zephyr and Pakkos
Imperialis Orsinium Thracum
The Islands of Cyprus, Chaones, Koroleba, Lemnos, Lesvos, Enos, and Nostromos for giving me moments of respite on my way
Bulgaria, Volgaria, Bolgaria, Volga Bulgaria, The Bulghars, Bulkharland, Bluegarderland and anyone else I may have missed
Houses Gracie, Skorzeny, Mittani, Kim, Kanokogi, and Kojima for trying to stop me
The Highlanders, the Amazonians, and Foxhound for keeping me alive
The Hungarian people who attacked me for no reason with their weapons and bare fists
The Child-McWilliams-Poseidon-Conreid-Hook-Toad family for adopting me
Charon and Aralez, for guiding me back across Styx and through the hills
Cori and a Certain Quandry
Pandora and her Fox
Babalu Aye
Erek Hayk-Bel, who taught me how to aim
Toad Zeph, who taught me how to land
My Wife, Very Nice, Agia Daria
and lastly, my Shadow, for always having my back!

Special Guests:
Maria Mulambo das Cavaleiras de Vassoura da Meia-Noixe (Filthy Mary of the Midnight Broom-Riders)
Pombajira do Dedo que Pega Meleca (Pombajira with Long Acrylic Nails for Picking Boogers)
Pombajira Baioneta Razveneta (Pombajira Ravenous Bayonet)
Pirata Peituda Pombajira, Perdição & Noж Sete Abelhas Adoentadas (Big-booger Pirate Pombajira, Lost & Dissolved into Seven Sick Bees)

Also featuring:
Horus and The Basilisk
The Ravens of Cascadia
The Weka, the Keka, the Squeeky-Keas, and the Brave Wallaby who all believed they could steer a ship together
Skudgeworld
Mars
rtl@mit
The Girl with the Ribbon in her Hair
The Middle Kingdom for selling me all these cool weapons I needed to defend myself
The French Resistance for teaching me how to use those weapons to liberate the oppressed
The Kyivites, Novo-Ruthenians, and the Georgian Legion
The Caprine, for staying alive all that time
The Satanic Illuminati Freemasons for No Money Sugar Momma Sex Club (Official)

IN NOMINE METEORA:
TRUE
LOVE
WAITS